I have so many questions about MS. Sometimes I’ll think of one, but will have forgotten what it was within a few hours.
The one that’s prominent in my mind now is if knowing that I have MS causes stress. So instead of waiting to forget the question, I’ll hash it out here.
For me, I think the answer is yes. Being diagnosed with something adds a whole ‘nother layer to life. Every interaction with every single person is tainted with this knowledge, whether I have told them or not.
- When I can’t think of words when speaking with people, do they walk away wondering what the heck is wrong with that person?
- When I decline invitation after invitation because I know I’ll be too tired, do they internalize it and begin to suspect I don’t like them?
- When I say I’ll do something but keep forgetting, will they assume I don’t care?
- Do I tell people I don’t really want to tell just so they know something is wrong with me, that I do like them, and I care? I don’t think so.
- Am I unecessarily thinking about how others will be affected? Probably.
- Am I creating more stress for my self, when I should be reducing it as much as possible? Definitely.
Perhaps, and hopefully, this is a newb phase. I’ll either eventually get over worrying about others, or come up with a way to handle these ridiculous stress-inducing thoughts.
I’ve never been much of a stress ball and I certainly don’t want to be when I have to deal with MS each and every day. But this added layer has so many facets; health care/insurance, doctors, treatments, disclosure, job security. None of these things were a part of my life before I was diagnosed. My thoughts, worries, and concerns were primarily all about my family. Specifically our two high schoolers, one who will be graduating next year. This added layer of being diagnosed with a disease is really quite heavy!
A heavy circle.
Diagnosed with MS –> Stress about it –> Symptoms worsen or relapse–> Stress about that –> Etc., etc., around and around we go.
I’ve really got to get a handle on this as it’s doing nobody, especially me, any good!