The Fall sickies are going around, and I was not spared a visit. While it sucks missing work and feeling awfully terrible, it’s also a welcome reminder to take care of my body. Well, it’s more than that. Because my body can’t talk to me, to submit a request that I do a better job of caring for it, it’s only method of communication is taking over. So this bout of sickness I’ve been experiencing is like my body submitting that request in all caps and exclamation marks in quadruplicate at the end of each… ah… request.
If I were to sit down and have a chat with my body, it might go something like this.
Body: Hey, lady. Can you spare a few minutes of your time?
Me: Sure. What’s up?
Body: Well, as you know, you have ignored the warning signs I’ve been sending you.
Me: Warning signs? Whatever are you talking about?
Body: Oh c’mon. You know. I know you know because the information is in your brain. You put it there.
Body: Really? I have to spell it out for you?
Body: That’s because your brain is foggy. That crap food you keep eating is fogging your brain up, reducing your cognitive abilities. That’s a warning sign, lady.
Me: Oh. Yeah. That.
Body: And why do you continue to treat your headaches with ibuprofen? All you have to do is stop eating that crap food.
Me: [hangs head] *sigh* I know.
Body: You are putting more crap in me to fix the problems caused by the crap that’s already there! Are you insane?
Me: [blank stare]
Body: Yes, yes you are. You keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
Me: I’m not expecting different results!
Body: [blank stare]
Me: Ok, fine. What else?
Body: How’s your back feeling?
Me: Stiff. But I’m getting old. I’m in my 40s now.
Body: *laughs* Old? You have got to be kidding me. LADY, YOU AREN’T EXERCISING!!!! (there they are, in quadruplicate)
Me: But I don’t have time.
Body: Like hell you don’t. I can read your mind. I know you know how to make time.
Me: You suck.
Body: NO U!!!! (uh oh)
Me: I see that you are frustrated with me.
Body: You could say that. You are not helping me help you and, in fact, are preventing me from doing my job. The next time you are exposed to a cold or the flu, my defense & offense teams will not be equipped to fend the buggers off. Lady, YOU are my enemy.
Me: Now, that’s crazy!
Body: No, it’s not. And to help me make my point, I’m taking you down and I’m taking you down hard.
Me: *gulps* Ouch. My throat hurts!
Body: [stares with piercing eyes]
Me: Hey! You can’t do that.
Body: [stares with even more piercing eyes]
Me: *coughs* I don’t feel good. *nose runs*
Body: [stares with the kind of piercing eyes that burn through souls]
Me: [crawls in bed, mutters softly to self: Mommy…]
Stay tuned for a continuation, in which I will discuss the concept of our human bodies as their own entities. I tried to fit it here, but I think it’ll work out better as its own post. Until then, you can feel sorry for my body and think about what your body would say to you.